May 2009

So Mommabear had a restless night last night.

Coudln’t sleep.  Threw Poppabear into a right tizzy.  He was like a nervous jack russell terrier, kept coming out of the bedroom and checking on me.  He said it felt wierd for me to be the one up so late.

 I was awake till about 2AM which for the Momma on a non-partying night, its bizarre.

So I got up this morning to check on the news and most of it was the usual slog through about war and terror.  And then this headline caught me:

Caught on Video:  Whales steal fish!

Sneaky little sperm whales have been stealing from fishing lines!   I love it.  I mean we know that animals steal food, it’s survival of the fittest obviously. 

But really, to know that they are stealing fish off lines?  It’s brilliant.  We keep pushing the boundaries and seeing how much we can take.


Mother Nature’s a bitch and taking it back.


I had avoided discussing this topic until this morning when Baby Bear happened to be in the living room as the news mentioned the man-hunt for the mother and her 13 year old son who were now on the run.

The crux is this.  The son has Hodgkins Lymphoma, a disease generally considered curable so long as it’s caught early and treated.  Roughly a year ago if the time lines in the stories are right, this boy underwent a single treatment of chemotherapy and saw an improvement in his health and shrinkage of the tumor.

It is at this point that the story gets murky.  The mother, who now tells the judges she ‘always’ uses natural remedies, stops chemotherapy after that treatment.  You see they are catholic by faith, but followers of  an offshoot of supposedly native american shaman/medicine men who use all natural diet supplements, and ionized water to heal diseases (Show me Geronimo’s or Sitting Bulls Ionized water treatment facility).

I’m not against natural remedies.  I’m a firm believer in honey and lemon in your tea, fennel and ginger helping your digestive tract and many other pallative, preventive, and complimentary aids.

The judge was fair and impartial, he subjected the parents to take the boy to an oncologist, be re-evaluated and report the findings to the court.  It had been roughly a year since the first chemo treatment and since then the boy had been using natural remedies.  During the initial hearing the mother insisted her son understood his disease, and all the implications, as well as being a medicine man within the native americans.


I’m not stupid people.  Native Americans had rites of passage and training before one could become a medicine man and a thirteen year old boy doesn’t qualify.  Let me also point out that this boy ‘who fully understands the medical situation and has made this decision himself’ has a severe learning disability and cannot at this time read and is home schooled, and noone is sure of his actual level of intelligence and understanding.

The results came back to show that the tumor had increased in size and the over-all prognosis was poor.   He once again was experiencing pain and difficulty breathing on the side of the chest where his tumor was.  Unfortunately, the hearing that these results were revealed, was missing two important members of the defence.  The mother and her son.

I am a firm believer in faith, in belief, in healing, and in unconditional love.  But not in stupidity.  There is a point that to me as a human, as a parent, I have to believe that whatever deity you choose, has chosen to grant us the scientific ability to create cures for such things for a reason.  Prayer is prayer but just because you pray for the rent money to appear in front of your feet doesn’t mean it’s going to happen,…it means you pray for the way to be shown and then take that phone call, open that e-mail, fill out that resume or application…that nets you the job.

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a meal, teach a man to fish and you teach him to feed himself and his family for life.

Beyond that, there are many people claiming that the judge is trodding on this woman’s religion.  Her professed RELIGION is Catholic.  The judge is not ruling on religion or belief or faith.  He is ruling that the adult guardian of a 13 year old boy, has chosen to completely go against impartial scientific evidence to improve and prolong the health of this boy as well as his life, for unregulated and unproven treatements that are at this time currently strongly warned against by the FDA as unproven. 

I am sorry but the mother is being irresponsible in not only choosing to forgo medical treatment, and I think this involving any parent/child relationship where the parents are damaging the health of the child, but also by flouting the ‘law of the land’ in such a dangerous method.

Recently, the Baby Bear got old enough that it was time for Momma to let her have a bit of freedom.  Not much mind you, stories like the one above make me wary.

Baby Bear is an intelligent girl but she’s still a girl, a kid, with a kids trust and mentality.  Why should I not think that this sort of thing could happen to her?  Proponents of leniency often say if we taught our daughters their self worth better, they’d known better.


I was a fairly streetwise kid, I knew usually when I was being pegged as a patsy, or flattered outrageously.  Didn’t stop me from being swept into a short stormy and shameful relationship with an older man at the age of 14.

 You could say it wasn’t child molestation, since technically I went along with it.  I knew up front what he was offering, I even knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.  But this man flattered me, treated me nicely, and at the beginning of sexual awareness,…made me feel wanted, special,…and very very wrong.  Once the deed was done…That very day, I was forced into a day long shopping trip, involving this man’s own wife.

 I looked into her eyes and realized *I* was the one in the wrong.  I had abused her trust, her friendship, by doing what I had done.  Despite all the terrible things about her he had told me, about how she berated him - which from close association, I knew to be at least mostly true- about her frigidity in the bedroom, about how a man has ‘needs’ and she constantly used that as a weapon….All of these things were probably marginally true. I knew the woman after all…It didn’t change that I had wronged her.


I ended the relationship, immediently, discreetly… He came by one evening, my best friend was in the house behind me, she knew all, and he kept saying how he wanted to kiss me like I should be kissed, wanted to show me how special I was…But this time I was armed with my own guilt and was able to tell him no.

I did the righ thing?  No, the right thing would have been to tell the truth to those who should have heard it so there would be no other victims.  The right thing would have been to never let it happen.  But when you are a young girl, someone older, smoother, feeding into your self esteem…you want to believe you are that special.


Unfortunately, we’re bred to believe that that being special comes from the regard other people hold for us…Girls ARE raised to believe that sexuality and admiration are the hallmarks. the benchmarks, of our worth.  I know now it’s not true and yet even my head can be momentarily turned if someone delivers a salvo done just right. 

I suppose I don’t have a direct point, this is more  a sad lament.  Baby Bear is growing up in a world just as perverse as the one I did, the same pitfalls, the same dangers, however in her case they come with a more faceless, palatable engine, the internet and social networking, sexting, all of these make the wide morass of danger even more frightening.

All I can do is make her aware of the dangers, make her aware of her own self worth…and pray. 


Look! It’s a new post by Mommabear!  I know it’s been months(years) since I sat in the thinking seat.

 I was reading the news this morning and happened upon a post that said:

“Texting Driver Crashes into St. Joseph Police Cars”

 Really?  I mean I know all about the dangers of being a distracted driver, putting makeup on in the rear-view, and of course driving while intoxicated.  And I’m one of those people who won’t even TALK to you if you are on your cell phone driving.  Seriously, I’ll hang up on you.

But really? Texting?  I’m not a Luddite, however it takes me 10 minutes to text something that I could say in 10 seconds, so the idea of hunting and pecking and cursing and deleting and hitting the same button 15 times just to get to the right character WHILE driving?

 People are this stupid.  I know, it shouldn’t surprise me.

But it does!  Is the drvl u hve 2 sa 2 gr8 2 w8? do u <3 ur lyf? OMG

 You don’t even want to know how long it took me to make my brain dumb down enough to type that crap.  In the rare instances that I have used text messaging - when my Poppabear is at work I text because it gets my message to him without causing his phone to ring, occassional responses to text messages I recieve from others…and of course to vote for Ty Murray until his buck-off from Dancing-I have to force myself to remove vowels and use shortcuts.

 And due to these sort of things, we wonder why more of our students sound like unintelligent, unread, lazy and unambitious morons?  They ARE!


And we trust teenagers not only to drive, but to use a cell-phone, GPS, an iPod connected to the car stereo that’s turned up so loud they couldn’t hear sirens if it meant their own lives(and sometimes it does).

And yet…I’ve seen adults, the first line of example for our children and students…text, eat, and talk to their side passenger…all at once.


Any wonder we’re all doomed?