September 2006

I’ve spent the last 5 years roughly on the depoprovera birth control shot, which at first sounded like an excellent idea, no worry birth control, at an affordabe price, fewer mentruations, …Every womans dream right?


The shot was a nightmare that was gradually realized. Never what I would consider to be an extremely sexual person, I lost any and all libido I had previously had. But it wasn’t sudden, it was slow enough that I started to assume it was work, responsibilities, all those minute stresses and situations that wear us down. About 8 months ago, my bloodpressure began to skyrocket, I was getting headaches regularly for the last several months, I had started a frightening weight gain,….and even with attempts at diet and exercise I was not seeing an improvement. So we decided to forgoe the shot for a cycle, within 3 months, my bloodpressure had dropped to manageable levels, I wasn’t having frequent headaches, and even though my first cycle was tiring in some cases, I quickly learned one other thing….Sex was enjoyable again, I looked forward to it, initiated it, … thought about it… Which is something Poppabear greatly benifited from.

With the return of my hormones though, I found that Poppabear has sympathy hormones, the week after my raging hormones go nuts and I return to normal,… he becomes a grump, untouchable, unhappy, and difficult to live with.

Why is this? Is it a latent response to the hormones women give off? is it natures answer to your pms?

Somehere along the way, men must have had this switch built into them, it goes like this, Women(most) are unwililng to have sex during thier cycle, and most men agree this is neither pleasant nor an arousing time. -However- Men in some form, resent this disruption of thier daily urges, and women are moody at best during this time. Men then, when the women return to sunny and normal, are still a bit soured by the pent up frustrations that of the like that a hand cannot satisfy, and remain disagreeable for several more days. I don’t think either side intends for this to happen, and most likely, many marriages have suffered and even broken because often we get too caught up in our own misery to see past the short term stresses and see the person we care for, and it gets blown out of proportion.

Don’t ask me where this was going, I only know where it’s been.

Starting last week, my best friend and I decided to do yoga 2 times a week, the idea was, that if we did it together, we would be answerable to each other. She had a baby several months back and I,…well lets just say the name MommaBear isn’t because I’m exactly a cuddly person.  So we did the workout once last week and our schedules hitched us from getting together again.  This week, we managed it on Tuesday and plan again for Thursday, so I’m deciding how I feel about it today, the workout was fairly short and while tough, wasn’t unbearable.  And I feel tightness in some muscles and it’s not unpleasant but the worst part is the vapid blonde who does our video… she doesn’t sound perky, but ethereally breathy, like she’s poised to transcend and leave her wasted bone protuding husk behind…I know this sounds incredibly judgemental, and perhaps I am being unfair.  In either case, we intend to buy a Belli-dance dvd to alternate.  I used to have one that I loaned to a friend and never got back, so we’ll see where this new venture takes us.


Alternatively, I came close to finally deciding to quit smoking…. until my boss jumped my ass about it and started harping on me… what is it about my personality that makes me do that?  I’ll be going along, doing something, then some pushy broad makes it her business to tell me not only what to do, but how to do it and so on and so forth and I dig in my heels and say piss off.  I honestly know I should quit, I realize its a bad habit, but it’s also one I enjoy, and I think it is more difficult than just ‘choosing’ to quit.  I know that I’m a big girl and make my own decisions, but I also know my smoke breaks are excellent breathers from the torrid bullshit in the office.  Ideally, I intend to use them for walks instead, just short ones around the building perhaps… I haven’t decided yet.


Than again I haven’t decided to quit either.

So I sat down tonight with no intent to write really, but something fired up the coffee pot and away I go.

We all agree humans are entirely stupid people and this last week proves it. In Montreal Canada, some guy pulled a shootout at the college…. A’la’ Columbine, to paraphrase his intent. Now, within a few hours the media had links upon links of this guys website where he preplanned this, where his intent was CLEAR! His friends saw it, other random people saw it… and yet… noone thought to intervene? To talk to him? His family? I’d have risked the anger of this young man and talked to his family, shown them his musings, his pain, his psychosis…. perhaps if someone had the tragedy of not only the people’s lives he hurt, destroyed, and changed forever… but the depth of mental anguish this kid went through to get so low. could have been prevented.

That sappy paragraph is now expunged from my soul cause I’m not in bitch mode.

Do the people of the 15 to 35 bracket really listen to themselves when they talk?  The majority of people in this group are the most self-centered, whiney moronic, grasping, annoying people I’ve ever known. I mean I went through my highschool poetic, noone understands me phase… I admit.    Then I grew the hell up. I mean, come on, these school slayings, the cutters (not all, the ones who do it where it can obviously be seen), the tortured souls of wasted youth, cast adrift on the sea of apathy, the flotsom and jetsam of a society who’s blinders keep them from viewing thier fellow mans pain….See,… I used to be a whiney lil snot too, hehehehe. These ‘people’, for I refuse to call them humans, they are the Americans that Bush claims ” won’t work the jobs the illiegals will do”. They are the ‘fringe cults’. I’d like to create a true Goth-am city, pun intended, and sling all these sadsacks into it, we could tape it… it’d be a hit! Hollywood I have a new show for you!  Did thier parents not beat them enough as children? Were they exposed to too many soap operas? Is this the era of ‘Lifetime” ” Oxygen” and “WE” networks spawn?  I’m not perfect, I have my times of despair, of anger over things, hence most of the things you read on this blog,… but still… what have we created?

Then there’s the really crazy people, like the woman who hired a detective to kill a woman she didn’t know, simply because a photo of her appeared on the girls boyfrieds Myspace site.

And the guy who claimed to be Jon Benet’s killer… cause he’s a pedophile who wishes he’d done it.

These types should probably be summarily strung up…our court system has loopholes a mile wide for these people, thank you BoonDock Saints, and The Crow for putting it so eloquently.

These types of subjects wear me out.